Janah

She was one of our very first brides back in 2009. Jeff and I were new then, completely unknown, and somehow, she stumbled upon our work and was drawn to it. We met over coffee and hit it off. She loved to travel, we liked the same kind of music, and she seemed like my kind of crazy or thereabouts. We even shared the same birthday. What are the odds of that?

We ended up shooting their engagement session and wedding. I loved her quirkiness, and how it made everything more fun. I ADORED her. Their engagement shoot remains one of my favorites to this day. She recommended us to her friends and relatives, and we ended up shooting a good number of them. We would see each other at weddings, on play dates, and in our office which she designed. We shot both her daughters’ first birthdays, and her youngest sister was our very first full-time editor. We would sometimes go through months without contacting each other, but we would pick up where we left off each time.

The first time our son and her daughters met, they hit it off famously. Her eldest daughter and my son held hands and ran around like they’ve known each other all their little lives. We would have a few more play dates over the years. She was one of the best people I knew. She was kind, positive, and never had a bad thing to say about anyone. Not a single one.

I found out last February 2017 that she was battling cancer from someone who was asking for prayers for her from my mom group. I read her name and it crushed me. I was told it was just diagnosed and it progressed much too quickly. She couldn’t take visitors anymore as she was weak and needed to rest. I wished so badly I could tell her how much I love her and how much she has meant to me. A few days later, she passed away.

I wish I didn’t take for granted that we could always see each other again when both our schedules eased up and pick up where we left off, like we always did. It always felt like we would be around each other for the rest of our lives. I never imagined it would be so short.

We went to her wake on a weekday afternoon to avoid the crowd. Sitting there quietly with her husband and mine, we watched the slideshow of photos of her life, and a good number of them were photos we took. Of her laughter. Of their wedding. Of them in their home with their firstborn. Of their daughters’ birthdays. And at the end of it, this photo I took of her on their wedding day that I loved the most.

I cry a lot, but I can count the number of times I have wept like that on one hand.

I miss her most this day of the year. I’ve never been one to share my grief easily, and it takes me a long time to process it before I can talk about it, so I think I’ll leave it at that. I consider myself incredibly lucky to have known her and to have had her in our lives.

Happy birthday, Mama Janah. This day isn’t the same without you.